merry-go-round

I always told myself that I won't necessarily go to law school next year, or ever; but after getting accepted by a few schools, going to law school just seems like such a easy next step that it's hard to think outside of the box. This past week, as I am hearing (and even more so...not hearing) back from certain law schools, the thought runs circles in my head "What am I doing next year? The year after? What is my ultimate goal? Why?"

The answers are all the same "I don't know. Hopefully, something meaningful" which is really something that I can reinterpret however I want, whenever I want. Which makes me wonder, how do we ever truly know we're doing what makes us happy versus it being some justification we fabricate to ensure that we are at least content.

In other news, R is coming to visit in 3 days. It'll be the intersection of two completely different worlds and I am counting down the days.

Tsunami Warning

After waking up at 4pm due to a headache and weak constitution I was welcomed an hour later by an earthquake. I have a habit of counting how long an earthquake lasts so I counted

1....2...3.... while staring up at the ceiling and watching the light sway above me

20...21....22.... this was getting a bit long and the intensity wasn't stopping

43....44...45.... maybe I should get under the table and duck and cover like I learned as a kid in California

62....63...64.... this is making my headache so much worse

76...77... I'm starting to lose count but an earthquake that lasts this long can't be good news

S rushes back into the house and turns on the TV. There's a tsunami warning. Seriously? I can't quite believe what's happening so I grab two things: my laptop and my dog, Momo.

We drive the car to the other house and make sure that everyone is in a vehicle and ready to escape. From there we drive toward the mountains and get stuck in traffic 3/4 of the way there. Still dazed I look out the window at the line of cars--how long does it take before a tsunami hits? Some people are on foot, carrying backpacks and valuables. One old man walks by with nothing but a rice cooker and the clothes on his back. I think to how I left both my wallet and passport at the house.

After waiting for somewhere around an hour and listening to the radio announcer repeat over and over (in Japanese) "This is a tsunami warning, please relocate to higher ground. Please run away to higher ground. Do not ever stop running", we finally decide that it is probably safe and head home. The juxtaposition of the continuous warning and the site at home was stark. Our home was completely undisturbed and dry.

News reports state that the earthquake was magnitude 7.3 off the coast near Sendai (about an hour away) with a possible tsunami reaching 2.9 meters. However, the actual tsunami was 1 meter and did not travel very far. The shadow of the 3.11 earthquake and tsunami still looms over Japan as warnings and precautions are taken, perhaps even more than necessary. 

Finding the Every Day

Today R asked me, "what do you think about your experience in Japan so far?"

It's strange to think that I have been here for as long as any summer internship normally lasts. The time I have spent here so far has been as long as the time I spent in South Africa or at Innosight. I should feel like I've spent quite a long time here, but instead this still feels like the beginning (I guess it's all relative).

At this point I guess I should have an opinion on my time here, and upon further thought, I guess I do.

I came with the expectation, that I imagine a lot of people doing development work for the first time have, that I was going to make a big difference in peoples' lives. Like a prime-time drama there would be tears, confessionals, and a life changing moment. This notion was quickly dispelled. I soon realized that the work that we do here is not life changing. In fact, the last thing the survivors of the tsunami need is more change in their lives. Instead what we do is life supporting and repairing. One of our events happens every Saturday and helps survivors get through their troubled times one week at a time.

For a while it wasn't apparent to me what I was doing was making a difference--each Saturday we would haul tables and chairs from our shed to the community center and then rush around setting up and making meals for the 70 odd people who showed up. Recently however, L, one of the organizers of the event, shared with me one of the ladies' stories. This old lady was having a lot of trouble coping with the aftermath of the tsunami and it was our weekly Saturday event that she looked forward to. It kept her feeling positive about life. L has promised to spend time next week retelling all the stories she's heard from the Saturday events, but even hearing that one story has made me realize that even the most mundane things can make an enormous impact.

Through these past two months I've realized that there is no magic moment where you change someone's life for the better. Instead, recovery is a long day-to-day process of trying to redefine normal. It can be mundane. It can be repetitive. But that's life. 

Thankful

Yesterday, we got the shocking news that one of the members of our organization had been accidentally pierced in the eye with a stick of bamboo while weeding out a plot of land and was currently at the emergency room.

What was originally planned as a night of song and worship turned into an evening of fellowship, song, and prayer for AK. I realized, through the course of this night, that I had never really dealt with tragedy on such a personal level before. Even though I was working in Ishinomaki, where earlier that day a woman had just been telling me about how only five of her neighbors remain after the tsunami, somehow a year and a half later these stories seem worn out on the tongues of the tellers. The lady told us her story without pause or reflection. In stark contrast, the developments about AK were pouring in and the everyone's emotions were etched on their faces.

We parted into circles (Japanese circle, English circle) and prayed for each other and for AK. The English circle was small and when my turn came I gave my first, faltering prayer. The initial catch in my throat traveled to my eyes and down my face as I tried my best to pray for AK, and pray that all of us would all find our place, realize our purpose, and seek the truth--whatever the truth may mean. At the end (amen) we looked up and everyone had a red tinge to their eyes.

The Japanese circle concluded their prayers soon thereafter and T, one of my roommates, scooted her chair over and said that she wanted to pray for me. I was surprised but bowed my head and she began (in Japanese, translated by M). Even today, a day later, I only vaguely remember the exact words; all I can remember is the initial strain in her voice as she fought back tears, and the outpouring of love that I felt from her. We had hung out a lot these past weeks and gotten really close despite the language barrier--she had told me about her troubled past and I had confided in her my insecurities about the future. At that moment, as she prayed for me, I felt loved and extremely thankful.

This morning we heard that AK's surgery went well, but she had to lose her right eye in the process. I could not even fathom the loss of sight in an eye. A mixed bag, I thought, until I saw an email from the organization's leader (her husband) saying that said her only prayer request was to praise Jesus in all things. Attached at the bottom was a picture of her on a hospital bed, with a bandaged eye, a smile, and a peace sign.

This (post)Thanksgiving season I am thankful for the amazing people in my life.

Tagged from Deviantart

I haven't done one of these blog questionnaires in a very long time, but I was tagged in one by grayscaled on Deviantart (deviantart.com). Since she made the questions specifically for me (and 9 others) I felt compelled to take a stab at them.

1 – Are you content with your life? Why/what would you change if you could?

The overall answer is yes. I feel incredibly lucky to have this fellowship to Japan, a supportive bfbf (best friend boyfriend :), supportive friends (old and new!), and an open future. The last part is a point of concern at the moment, but I wouldn't say it's a negative thing--I guess despite the anxiety it causes, I wouldn't change it.  

2 – How important is love for you? On a scale 1-10. Why?
Love is for saps. I would say 10. I guess I'm a sap.
3 – Do your friends/relatives/close people know who you really are? If not, why?
I would say they know me better than they know myself. Either that or I'm easily impressionable (wait a second...) 
4 – Do you do things you consider important yourself, or base your actions in accordance to what other people want/expect of you? Why/why not.
I do what I want. I do wut I wahnt. But is what I want learned from what my parents/peers/literature/society expects? Most likely. 
5 – Name 3 of your best traits (the ones you like yourself, not by popular opinion)
Wanderlust, Spontaneity, Openness
6 – Name and describe 3 of your negative qualities that you actually likeand consider to be irreversible parts of your character. (I.e – I'm lazy, but that means I value my strength and time, and if I was a workaholic, I'd waste away.)
I dont like to spend time working--this means I try to either work efficiently or allocate specific time to work so I have time to play; Design OCD--alignment makes me happy; Nativity--I'd rather be trusting than cynical 
7 – Are you obsessed with anything? What is it?
I am obsessed with mixed drinks (and beer.. and wine..)--one day (soon) I will travel around England/Scotland bar tending (or maybe Australia)
8 – If you could be anything/anyone in the world, what/who would it be? Why?
I don't think there is anyone I would rather be. But maybe if I could be anyTHING I would try out being a hawk for a day. That would be freakin awesome. 
9 – Do you have a general idea of what you want to have/do in life? What is it?
General is the word. I want to do good. Whatever that means.  
10 – Do you believe in the afterlife? If yes, what kind – if no, why?
I would like to believe in an afterlife, but I'm not sure if I do yet.

Japan is Beautiful

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've updated this blog--my bad. I'm so accustomed to being on a regular schedule these last 22 years of my life that with the flexible work I've been doing here the days seem to have a timeless quality.

But what have I been up to lately?

This week I've brought the skills I learned from college (read: WorldMUN) into play--making google groups and using google docs to help the organization with institutionalization. I also realized that I retained something else from college: college style flakiness (you know, agreeing to things and then texting out last minute, must kick the habit).

On my day off we got lost in the Japanese countryside and ended up on top of a gorgeous mountain. It was the most serene and quiet I had experienced in a long time. As I walked around the open field atop that mountain I could hear the grass and the thistle and really feel the cold. I felt like I was standing on the verge of something.

Last night V and I took a mini roadtrip to a seaside clifftop set of cabins. The cabin we stayed in was made of wood and absolutely beautiful. The view from the patio, behind four sets of floor to ceiling windows, was directly of the beach, surf, and opposing cliffside. (What an amazing WorldMUN retreat house this would I have been, I thought to myself) We spent the evening and morning there, making apple and pecan pies. Somehow the oven also caught on fire.

Every day is an adventure.

Which one of these is not like the other

I have also rethought the project I want to undertake here. The stories that I have gathered, not from the survivors of the tsunami, but from the missionaries working here, have been some of the most compelling and interesting ones. Japan is a beautiful place, but it has its ugliness as well. I think it's just hidden better. 

I am going to... yume

A few days ago an old man on a bike stopped to talk to me in Japanese. The only thing I understood was the question "where are you going?" to which I racked my brain (I was going to the ocean, what was that word again?), pointed to the ocean, and responded "yume!"
"ume?" He corrected me.
"Ah, so, ume, ahaha, arigato."
It turns out I had pointed and told him I was going to go to a dream.

Yesterday, Thursday, was my day off and it felt like I had walked straight into a yume. I spent the morning with V and Echan looking for a puppy, and along the way we stopped to examine a mountain shrine. The hike was long and strenuous, especially because I hadn't exercised at all during the time spent studying the LSAT, but worth it.

For lunch we had delicious takoyaki, soba, and gyu-don. Then it was off to the mountains where we drove for half an hour to get to one small cafe tucked way away from everything. There was a slight but fortunate detour when we got lost; we found and played on a playground set built onto the mountains with a giant slide. But eventually we made it to Ippo cafe. The cafe building was constructed by the father of the owner. As we crossed the small river and neared the cafe the sound of coffee and live guitar music greeted us.

I didn't get a picture of the owner and his friend practicing guitar (let me tell you, it was magical) but I do have some shots of the place that don't do the atmosphere any justice.

The day ended with a big pot of nabe and new friends. Oh, and a chick flick on a sheet hung up on the wall. All in all a beautiful day off in Ishinomaki, Japan.

I have arrived

Ishinomaki, Japan. Where I am not entirely sure what I want to get out of this year, but I can already tell it's going to be an extremely busy one.

Everyday so far I have woken up at or before the crack of dawn, anywhere from 4:50am to 5:30am to get some free time before the day kicks off at 8am.

The past two days I have:
- Gone on a soul searching walk along the shoreline: where once there was a beach now there is only the breakwater)
- Torn down a house ravaged by the tsunami so that we can help rebuild: tearing down comes before building up
- Helped cook for upwards of 20 people: very different from the usual "gourmet" cooking that I attempt at home
- Been surrounded by Christian belief: the organization I am with is a Christian organization
- Decided with my roommate to get a puppy: asjfhaksudfhkasjdfh pics soon hopefully

There are a lot of thoughts formulating in my head around reconstruction efforts, religion, community, and land. I'll post more insights as they become more coherent.

So far just enjoying the fresh mountain/seaside air and getting excited for the next couple of months to come!

Vol IV (Final Installation)

Pro: The LSAT is over and done with
Con: Not feeling overly positive about the result, but we'll have to wait and see
Pro: No more 4 hour classes from 6-10pm twice a week
Con: No more awesome doodle time

Pro: Leaving for Japan tomorrow morning. How crazy!

And now, the final installation of drawings:

Unsure what she's doing. Falling or something cooler?

Bittersweet symphony (of cars)

The little bubbles are zoom in shots of what's on top of the waterfalls

Dissatisfied 

Random alcohol related doodles.. unsure where it was going 

Hair inspired by college roommate, haha

Side of pencil sketches evolved into something resembling a landscape

I just realized that all my faces tend towards facing (my) left. Strange. I hope you've enjoyed the set! Back to less drawing and more writing/wandering next time on jumplittlewanderer.

Vol III

Had to flip the page before completing shirt texture

WTF Narudo-bear said Itachi-sun

I was thirsty 

Little mermaid drawings are so fun

Fruit viking will make you confess your wrong-doings

LSAT Masterpieces Vol II

Hope you weren't holding your breath for too long. And here they are!

Watched a video earlier in the day about drawing anime characters...
didn't turn out quite the way I expected

Dance like an egyptian 

Read Fairy Tail that day... battle of epic proportions!

Mini-Edgeworth

Momentarily forgot what Vindicated meant

Sometimes I want hair like this

Lots of Animuu~~ faces this time around. Until next time!

Book of Quotes

I've been keeping a book of quotes lately. Quotes copied down when a line in a book inspires, surprises, lingers, disturbs.

Lately the books I read have been on the darker side, but also more pensive.

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.

From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig had a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Te Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attilla and a pack of other lovers with queer names and off beat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more I couldn't quite make out.

I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet." -- Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

The quote is an eloquent imagination of the less eloquent phrase, FOMO (fear of missing out), but with an additional warning. By trying to keep all these doors open, we are only lessening the time we have to go through any one of them.

I see myself, in this quote, as the girl at the foot of the tree wondering: how long do I have before the fruits fall? And how do I know that by climbing to some of the branches, I won't fall off instead? 

LSAT Masterpieces Vol.1

Ever since starting LSAT classes I have rediscovered my love for doodling. It's not because the LSATs are easy or (terribly) boring. But sometimes going over the reasoning for every wrong answer in a problem and going at a 4 problem-per-hour rate can be dull.

First of many.

It's a polar bear. My forays into portraying wildlife = unsuccessful

The shirt says: (YO) BATTLE. Yes, he is Taiwanese

Drawings are starting to interact...

It says: WOWEE! HAHAHA! FUN! I'M A STAR OH BOY. THPETHIAL CUP!
LET'S GO!

The cartoon figures are unimpressed

MY MASTERPIECE

And that brings us to the end of volume 1. Since there are 5 books in my prep course there will be 5 posts of this nature. Stay tuned!

When did Olympic athletes become hot?

In previous Olympics, I never found the athletes attractive (except Ian Thorpe and Apollo Anton Ono... Oyes). But today, as I was watching the closing ceremonies of the London Olympics it dawned on me why I found so many of them attractive this Olympics.

But the truth was, it wasn't because they actually became more physically attractive.

It's because I never before thought that white guys were hot. Not until WorldMUN 2010 when I was introduced to German boys (holla! And French... and Venezuelan... and...). I remember when I returned to Harvard after that week at WorldMUN and the hotness quota of Harvard went up almost exponentially. 

Like a Dream: Hot Air Ballooning in Cappadocia

I had a dream where before the break of dawn I was whisked away deep into a valley in Cappadocia. When we slowed down, all around were canvases rising like so many lumps of dough. My heart beat faster. The car stopped. We scrambled out and I entered the basket. It was chilly outside, the sun had not yet risen. But there was fire above me, a fire that would soon lift the ground out from under my feet. The fire filled the canvassed balloon with hot air and soon I was airborne!

The landscape of Cappadocia is magical at eye level, or from mountain tops, but it is most haunting from a bird's eye view. We weren't alone that morning. As the sun rose over the chiseled hilltops, balloons populated the sky.

Seconds later, which I am assured was a full hour (but really, who can assure anything in dream-time?), we landed and the dream came to an end.

"Real and unreal, beautiful and strange, like a dream. It got me high as a kite, but it didn’t last long enough. It ended too soon and left nothing behind...That’s how it is with dreams...They’re the perfect crime.” - Tom Robbins

Berlin: My New Home

I've decided that I am moving to Berlin.

Berlin is acceptance, in the way that it has moved on from its past and wholly transformed its social fabric. It is Asian food at every street corner. It is art working its way into every crevice. And finally, Berlin is extremely libatious... just the way I like it.

I spent one day visiting every tourist trap available in Berlin and then four days soaking it all in and wishing that I would never have to leave. 

Essence of Essaouira

Salt-swept sun-soaked facades line the dirt paths of Essaouira. The wind at times whispers and at times whips through the streets. Against the white stripped walls are stark shades of blue, young and old, painted on every surface: doors, window panes, awnings, table cloths, chairs, gates, clothes.

Even before the eye falters from the blinding light, the nose takes over. Smells waft from alleyways. On Ave de l'Istiqlal, salty grilled seafood; Rue de la Skala, curries; Place Moulay Hassan, baked sweets. The scents linger like hawkers from the Souks pushing their wares, "Scarves? You like? Nice price. Come, look, see."

The wind dominates conversation, muting sounds other than its own. When the wind stops, the hush of heat reigns.

Essaouira is a beautiful, magical place. A city of cheap seafood, slowed pace of living, wind, and sea. Full of food for the senses. I am in love with the essence of Essaouira.

Ohayogozaimasu Marrakech

Pop quiz: where in the world can you hear more Japanese than in Japan?

Answer: as an Asian in Marrakesh

The last few days in Marrakesh have been a melding pot of dusty roads, various Asian languages (all the street vendors seem to know some Japanese, Chinese, Korean, you name it, that they willingly test out on a passing Asian tourist), trinket lined walls, and deliciously fragrant foods. A very hot melding pot. The temperature the day we arrived was 46 degrees Celsius, or 116 degrees Fahrenheit.

R and I spent yesterday wandering the streets and popping into a few touristy locations - palaces, tombs, plazas. We also wandered into the souk, and wandered and wandered. The souk is a labyrinth of shops and vendors that has to be experienced to be believed. In the evening we had a (unintentionally) romantic dinner at Pepe Nero, a swanky Moroccon-Italian restaurant.

Today we took a different approach, a full day dedicated to cooking! I'll let the images explain how that went.

We started off by blind-identifying all of the spices by smell
I would say R and I failed that

I've got Ray Ban Vision... I-I-I can't see, I-I-I-I can't see
Sharpied out raybans for blind smell tests

The cooking station with a traditional tagine pot and spices

R can't handle the amount of fun he's having

Our veal with artichoke, lemon, and peas tagine
(Mine on the left, R's on the right)

The whole shebang - we made the bread and tagine
Both were yums

Two interesting tidbits. One, another student (out of five) was also a recent Harvard graduate now working at BCG Boston. Two, nutmeg is 20x as effective as cocaine. 20x the high, 20x the crash.