Year End R&R

At the end of 2012 I got a bit of Rest and Relaxation RLi and Random adventures. I've been thinking about how to record everything that's happened these past few weeks--it's amazing how quickly days and events blur together--and I think a day by day recounting will (hopefully) make the most sense. Each day kind of had its own theme so we'll do this sesame street style. Okay, ikuzou!

COLD The day of R's arrival began with waiting in the coldest day in Ishinomaki yet. Luckily, the 30 minute wait melted away when I saw R's smiling face (too cheesy? Ok I'll stop). The rest of the day didn't promise to warm up for us, however, as we spent the morning and part of the afternoon clearing out GMT's recently heater-less base of operations, Hope House. There was a slight deviation as we had a delicious spicy pork nabe (hot pot) for dinner, but the day ended on a cold note for R as he realized what it's like to live in a country without central heating (see, it's worse than being too lazy to turn on the heater in your dorm room).

JOURNEY T so kindly took us around for R's second and final day in Ishinomaki. The plan was to take him first to Onagawa, a site visually indicative of the strength of the disaster; then Minami San Riku, where the fishermen are rebuilding their livelihoods, to grab some fresh seafood for lunch; and then to Tome, the magical land of snowy mountains and Ippo cafe. Of course, like all plans ours soon went by the wayside. Instead, we visited Onagawa, got tour of the mountainside nearby (we got lost) and then went to Tome and ate eel at a scrumptious unagi restaurant with a beautiful view (unfortunately, I almost died on an eel bone--T told me about how last time that happened to her she tweezed it out of her own throat and coughed up blood...that didn't make me feel much better). The afternoon was passed in the most magical places, Cafe Ippo, in the Tome mountains. That evening we had yakiniku with friends and then took an overnight bus to continue our journey--onwards to Tokyo!

To be continued....

merry-go-round

I always told myself that I won't necessarily go to law school next year, or ever; but after getting accepted by a few schools, going to law school just seems like such a easy next step that it's hard to think outside of the box. This past week, as I am hearing (and even more so...not hearing) back from certain law schools, the thought runs circles in my head "What am I doing next year? The year after? What is my ultimate goal? Why?"

The answers are all the same "I don't know. Hopefully, something meaningful" which is really something that I can reinterpret however I want, whenever I want. Which makes me wonder, how do we ever truly know we're doing what makes us happy versus it being some justification we fabricate to ensure that we are at least content.

In other news, R is coming to visit in 3 days. It'll be the intersection of two completely different worlds and I am counting down the days.

Tsunami Warning

After waking up at 4pm due to a headache and weak constitution I was welcomed an hour later by an earthquake. I have a habit of counting how long an earthquake lasts so I counted

1....2...3.... while staring up at the ceiling and watching the light sway above me

20...21....22.... this was getting a bit long and the intensity wasn't stopping

43....44...45.... maybe I should get under the table and duck and cover like I learned as a kid in California

62....63...64.... this is making my headache so much worse

76...77... I'm starting to lose count but an earthquake that lasts this long can't be good news

S rushes back into the house and turns on the TV. There's a tsunami warning. Seriously? I can't quite believe what's happening so I grab two things: my laptop and my dog, Momo.

We drive the car to the other house and make sure that everyone is in a vehicle and ready to escape. From there we drive toward the mountains and get stuck in traffic 3/4 of the way there. Still dazed I look out the window at the line of cars--how long does it take before a tsunami hits? Some people are on foot, carrying backpacks and valuables. One old man walks by with nothing but a rice cooker and the clothes on his back. I think to how I left both my wallet and passport at the house.

After waiting for somewhere around an hour and listening to the radio announcer repeat over and over (in Japanese) "This is a tsunami warning, please relocate to higher ground. Please run away to higher ground. Do not ever stop running", we finally decide that it is probably safe and head home. The juxtaposition of the continuous warning and the site at home was stark. Our home was completely undisturbed and dry.

News reports state that the earthquake was magnitude 7.3 off the coast near Sendai (about an hour away) with a possible tsunami reaching 2.9 meters. However, the actual tsunami was 1 meter and did not travel very far. The shadow of the 3.11 earthquake and tsunami still looms over Japan as warnings and precautions are taken, perhaps even more than necessary. 

Finding the Every Day

Today R asked me, "what do you think about your experience in Japan so far?"

It's strange to think that I have been here for as long as any summer internship normally lasts. The time I have spent here so far has been as long as the time I spent in South Africa or at Innosight. I should feel like I've spent quite a long time here, but instead this still feels like the beginning (I guess it's all relative).

At this point I guess I should have an opinion on my time here, and upon further thought, I guess I do.

I came with the expectation, that I imagine a lot of people doing development work for the first time have, that I was going to make a big difference in peoples' lives. Like a prime-time drama there would be tears, confessionals, and a life changing moment. This notion was quickly dispelled. I soon realized that the work that we do here is not life changing. In fact, the last thing the survivors of the tsunami need is more change in their lives. Instead what we do is life supporting and repairing. One of our events happens every Saturday and helps survivors get through their troubled times one week at a time.

For a while it wasn't apparent to me what I was doing was making a difference--each Saturday we would haul tables and chairs from our shed to the community center and then rush around setting up and making meals for the 70 odd people who showed up. Recently however, L, one of the organizers of the event, shared with me one of the ladies' stories. This old lady was having a lot of trouble coping with the aftermath of the tsunami and it was our weekly Saturday event that she looked forward to. It kept her feeling positive about life. L has promised to spend time next week retelling all the stories she's heard from the Saturday events, but even hearing that one story has made me realize that even the most mundane things can make an enormous impact.

Through these past two months I've realized that there is no magic moment where you change someone's life for the better. Instead, recovery is a long day-to-day process of trying to redefine normal. It can be mundane. It can be repetitive. But that's life. 

Thankful

Yesterday, we got the shocking news that one of the members of our organization had been accidentally pierced in the eye with a stick of bamboo while weeding out a plot of land and was currently at the emergency room.

What was originally planned as a night of song and worship turned into an evening of fellowship, song, and prayer for AK. I realized, through the course of this night, that I had never really dealt with tragedy on such a personal level before. Even though I was working in Ishinomaki, where earlier that day a woman had just been telling me about how only five of her neighbors remain after the tsunami, somehow a year and a half later these stories seem worn out on the tongues of the tellers. The lady told us her story without pause or reflection. In stark contrast, the developments about AK were pouring in and the everyone's emotions were etched on their faces.

We parted into circles (Japanese circle, English circle) and prayed for each other and for AK. The English circle was small and when my turn came I gave my first, faltering prayer. The initial catch in my throat traveled to my eyes and down my face as I tried my best to pray for AK, and pray that all of us would all find our place, realize our purpose, and seek the truth--whatever the truth may mean. At the end (amen) we looked up and everyone had a red tinge to their eyes.

The Japanese circle concluded their prayers soon thereafter and T, one of my roommates, scooted her chair over and said that she wanted to pray for me. I was surprised but bowed my head and she began (in Japanese, translated by M). Even today, a day later, I only vaguely remember the exact words; all I can remember is the initial strain in her voice as she fought back tears, and the outpouring of love that I felt from her. We had hung out a lot these past weeks and gotten really close despite the language barrier--she had told me about her troubled past and I had confided in her my insecurities about the future. At that moment, as she prayed for me, I felt loved and extremely thankful.

This morning we heard that AK's surgery went well, but she had to lose her right eye in the process. I could not even fathom the loss of sight in an eye. A mixed bag, I thought, until I saw an email from the organization's leader (her husband) saying that said her only prayer request was to praise Jesus in all things. Attached at the bottom was a picture of her on a hospital bed, with a bandaged eye, a smile, and a peace sign.

This (post)Thanksgiving season I am thankful for the amazing people in my life.

Tagged from Deviantart

I haven't done one of these blog questionnaires in a very long time, but I was tagged in one by grayscaled on Deviantart (deviantart.com). Since she made the questions specifically for me (and 9 others) I felt compelled to take a stab at them.

1 – Are you content with your life? Why/what would you change if you could?

The overall answer is yes. I feel incredibly lucky to have this fellowship to Japan, a supportive bfbf (best friend boyfriend :), supportive friends (old and new!), and an open future. The last part is a point of concern at the moment, but I wouldn't say it's a negative thing--I guess despite the anxiety it causes, I wouldn't change it.  

2 – How important is love for you? On a scale 1-10. Why?
Love is for saps. I would say 10. I guess I'm a sap.
3 – Do your friends/relatives/close people know who you really are? If not, why?
I would say they know me better than they know myself. Either that or I'm easily impressionable (wait a second...) 
4 – Do you do things you consider important yourself, or base your actions in accordance to what other people want/expect of you? Why/why not.
I do what I want. I do wut I wahnt. But is what I want learned from what my parents/peers/literature/society expects? Most likely. 
5 – Name 3 of your best traits (the ones you like yourself, not by popular opinion)
Wanderlust, Spontaneity, Openness
6 – Name and describe 3 of your negative qualities that you actually likeand consider to be irreversible parts of your character. (I.e – I'm lazy, but that means I value my strength and time, and if I was a workaholic, I'd waste away.)
I dont like to spend time working--this means I try to either work efficiently or allocate specific time to work so I have time to play; Design OCD--alignment makes me happy; Nativity--I'd rather be trusting than cynical 
7 – Are you obsessed with anything? What is it?
I am obsessed with mixed drinks (and beer.. and wine..)--one day (soon) I will travel around England/Scotland bar tending (or maybe Australia)
8 – If you could be anything/anyone in the world, what/who would it be? Why?
I don't think there is anyone I would rather be. But maybe if I could be anyTHING I would try out being a hawk for a day. That would be freakin awesome. 
9 – Do you have a general idea of what you want to have/do in life? What is it?
General is the word. I want to do good. Whatever that means.  
10 – Do you believe in the afterlife? If yes, what kind – if no, why?
I would like to believe in an afterlife, but I'm not sure if I do yet.

Japan is Beautiful

I didn't realize how long it's been since I've updated this blog--my bad. I'm so accustomed to being on a regular schedule these last 22 years of my life that with the flexible work I've been doing here the days seem to have a timeless quality.

But what have I been up to lately?

This week I've brought the skills I learned from college (read: WorldMUN) into play--making google groups and using google docs to help the organization with institutionalization. I also realized that I retained something else from college: college style flakiness (you know, agreeing to things and then texting out last minute, must kick the habit).

On my day off we got lost in the Japanese countryside and ended up on top of a gorgeous mountain. It was the most serene and quiet I had experienced in a long time. As I walked around the open field atop that mountain I could hear the grass and the thistle and really feel the cold. I felt like I was standing on the verge of something.

Last night V and I took a mini roadtrip to a seaside clifftop set of cabins. The cabin we stayed in was made of wood and absolutely beautiful. The view from the patio, behind four sets of floor to ceiling windows, was directly of the beach, surf, and opposing cliffside. (What an amazing WorldMUN retreat house this would I have been, I thought to myself) We spent the evening and morning there, making apple and pecan pies. Somehow the oven also caught on fire.

Every day is an adventure.

Which one of these is not like the other

I have also rethought the project I want to undertake here. The stories that I have gathered, not from the survivors of the tsunami, but from the missionaries working here, have been some of the most compelling and interesting ones. Japan is a beautiful place, but it has its ugliness as well. I think it's just hidden better.