A Year in June: Chapter 23

May 31, 2012

Dear June-kun,

            I hope that this letter gets to you first, before you hear it from anywhere else.

I want to tell you that I am going to die.

            I failed at becoming a stronger person. Instead, I became a person who always needed someone else—I became a burden. I realize this now. For a long time I depended on Joseph. Even the idea of Joseph was enough to help me overcome tough times. But Joseph was false. He was not who I built him up to be. I believed him and he tried to take advantage of me. This is a violation I do not think I can forgive and something I will never forget. I tried for the last month, but I couldn’t. It broke me. He was not my savior; no can save me, I realize this now, because I had already died so many years ago.

            I know you care about me, but I did not want to become a burden to you as well. You are smart and caring. You have infinite possibilities in your future. I was lucky to be your roommate. Tanoshikatta desu. Please have good memories of our time together.

            I regret the day I met Joseph, but I am glad that I met you. Joseph gave me a hollow existence, but your goodbye gave me peace. It is with peace that I write this and with peace that I will leave this world. I hope you will not regret our time together—I know I never did.

Forever,

Mina-chan

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A Year in June: Chapter 22

            Mina’s bike grinded to a halt at the bus stop, kicking up dust that made both of their eyes water. June was reluctant to get off the bike. She missed the feeling of the wind in her hair and Mina’s comforting presence at the handlebars. She was already feeling nostalgic, but was determined not to show signs of weakness. They stood side by side facing the road, watching the wind swirl the dust at their feet.

            “June-kun, can I ask you for something?”

            “Sure, anything.”

            An old man on a bike pedaled slowly past. Mina and June nodded their heads politely.

            “Can I have your home address?”

            June laughed. She wasn’t sure what she had expected to be asked. “Sure.” She wrote down her address on Mina’s hand. “Don’t lose it—I expect mail!” she said, trying her best to be upbeat.

            “You will get mail” Mina assured her. The bus came soon after. There were no tearful goodbyes or plans to visit or promises to always be friends. Perhaps they were too old or too jaded for those types of farewells. But as June queued up to board the bus, Mina suddenly grabbed her hands and squeezed hard. June did her best to suppress a wince at the force of her grip.

“Goodbye, Juniper.” Mina said, uncharacteristically formal.

            “Goodbye, Minazuki” June replied in kind.

            With that Mina let go of her hands and a slow lopsided smile—the first one June had seen in ages—spread across her face and brightened her countenance significantly. June was captivated by this transformation. This is the Mina I knew, the Mina I know, she thought and started to reach for Mina, but the old lady behind her was getting uncomfortably close to bulldozing her over. Instead, bowed apologetically to the old lady, waved at Mina, and boarded the bus. By the time she got to her seat and looked out her window, Mina was gone.

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A Year in June: Chapter 21

             Boston in June. It was a hot muggy day, about a week after her flight from Narita to Washington DC and from Washington DC to Boston. Her hair, normally already a spastic mess of curls, was untamable. She tugged at it as she entered the cool office building for her fellowship follow-up interview.

            As she entered the building, her cellphone dinged with an alert sound set for her international messenger. She hadn’t heard the sound for weeks, not since she left Japan and stopped contacting people internationally. Who could be contacting her from overseas? As she pulled out her phone it rang out again, and again, and again. Bewildered and avoiding the questioning stare of the receptionist she bowed apologetically, instinctively mumbled “Sumimasen”, and went to a chair in the corner of the lobby. Once seated, she proceeded to read her flurry of messages.

            They were from Minamisanriku. From locals and relief volunteers who were still in Japan. People whose numbers she had gotten and only contacted once or twice, usually to give them their restored photographs.

The messages came in a mix of Japanese and English, but one thing was clear. Minazuki Saito was dead.

           

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A Year in June: Chapter 20

             The night before June left for America she returned the house keys, but Mina insisted that she keep the wings as a souvenir. Mina decided to go to bed soon after. However, when June had finished gathering everything from the living room and went to the bedroom her roommate was still awake.

            Mina cleared her throat as though to start speaking but stopped herself. Eventually she ventured a question, “Did I take my pills yet?”

            “I don’t know” June answered honestly. The question had taken June by surprise; it was a question Mina had never asked before and June was almost tempted to ask her if something was wrong. But she stopped herself. Even if something was wrong there was nothing June could do to help now that she was leaving the next day. “Sorry” she said instead.

            That night June dreamed of a porch awash in moonlight where she said the things she could never say and everything was just perfect. Mina did not sleep at all.

             

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A Year in June: Chapter 19

             “I’ve booked my ticket for May 30” June announced to Mina during one of the now rare occasions that they were together during their waking hours.

            “Honto? I thought you weren’t leaving until--” Mina looked distressed for a moment, but soon regained control of her features, “--of course, it’s up to you” she finished. This was the liveliest reaction June had seen from Mina in weeks and it almost made her want to retract her statement, but not quite.

            “Yes, I know it’s sooner than planned.” June felt like she at least owed Mina an explanation, “I--” she stumbled. I don’t want to keep feeling like I am suffocating in a land where I cannot communicate with anyone except for my roommate who I thought was a kindred soul but now can’t say two words to me in one day. I don’t want to spend any more days alone or in silence. I don’t want to become a bitter, curry eating, hikikomori. “--I, my parents wanted me to come home to help with something.” She finished unconvincingly.

            “Naruhodo”, Mina responded, even keeled. “That’s soon. In a few days—do you need ride?”

            “I thought I might take the bus,” June responded. She had imagined their parting before. It would be full of tears and plans to meet again soon. In her mind they would try to stay together until the last possible moment when she walked through the airport security gate. Now she was running away from Mina, afraid to face the reality behind all the illusions she had built up about their relationship. To not have a proper goodbye was preferable to having an emotionless one, she told herself.

            “Ja, I will walk you to the bus stop,”

            “Okay,” June could acquiesce at least that much.

            “And your project?”

            “Owari, finished. I restored all of the pictures I found and returned them to their owners. Those who I could not match I gave to the local community leader. He knows the extended families of those who are… no longer here.”

            “Yokatta ne”

            “Yokatta desu” June responded. It is good, she told herself. It is good. Leaving sooner is the right choice.

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