Mood Apathetic

Sometimes I wonder how people can say things without realizing the effect it will have on others. If two people are at a party why would one person purposefully make a comment to ruin the other person's night? Does it represent a lack of sensitivity of time and place on the one or does it represent over sensitivity on the other?

Either way, sometimes I would like to tell these people to bugger off, or at least how much their comments hurt... but alas... all the resolve I have as I storm silently off to tell them to stuff a habanero pepper into their mouth full of scathing comments or at least apologize dissipates by morning.

Weaksauce.

Now I'm a believer

Every time I see her face I feel slight irritation. I'm not that kind of person all the time, just for that brief moment I see her face.

taking care of others

It makes me feel nauseous. But at the same time I want to do well. It's not even that I want to be liked, I just want to do a good job. Maybe it has been a while since I've gone out of my way to do things not for myself but for the sake of a 'spirit' or a feeling. How very odd. But sometimes you just really love an organization - or really want the organization as a whole to be accepted and successful. I'm not sure what it is. I just know that I want to do a good job.

In other news - back on the hunt for housing in South Africa. Oh FIFA how you slay me.

one new message

Last night I received a message from someone who I've been searching for ... for a long time. She had been so instrumental in my life that I had to reconnect with her some how. Yet for the life of me I could not find her anywhere. Instead she found me.

Melissa S. 16 April at 23:25

Kathleen from my fifth grade? Who gave me the Young Author's Book that she and her partner wrote ;)
How are you?!
Ms. Scadina

After reading her message I just wanted to gush back how important she had been in shaping who I was. Did she know the reason why I ever felt like a decent writer was because of her? How do teachers choose their special projects? I wonder if she saw me walk into class the first day - head down, not belonging to any clique, awkwardly tall for my age, dressed by my mom, eager to smile, eager to please, and full of nervous energy - and decide that here was someone worth gifting some self confidence to. Regardless, I'm forever thankful.

I remember why I wanted to be a teacher - so I can do for someone, even one person, what Ms. Scadina had done for me.